One of my goals is to help people to see their own strength, and thereafter make good choices for their lives. In order to see our strength, we also must look at some of our limitations, and living as pack animals turns out to be one of them.
When I studied our biological limitations, the fact that we are pack animals was a great realization for me. Being pack animals is something we have in common with several other species, although we differ regarding our social competence and dependence.
Perhaps we don’t think of ourselves as animals, yet we are influenced by the pack.
Much more than I realized, I had followed others; what others meant, thought and did, and in that way I tried to satisfy the pack in order to feel like part of a community. And that’s exactly it. We all have a basic need to feel a part of something.
Let’s look into what it means to be a pack animal, and how it can lead to limitations that lie subconsciously within us and limit our possibilities.
Family – our first pack
We depend on each other from the day we are born. We need intimacy, nourishment and social stimulation.
The first pack is what we know as family. It can be very different, depending on where in the world we are born. It can be large or small, and we grow up and learn about ourselves, others and the world.
A family should create a safe environment, we must be seen and understood, in addition to what I mentioned regarding intimacy, nourishment and social stimulation. And not least, we need to be accepted and reassured.
This contributes to influencing our behavior as an adult and forms the basic learning we carry forward in life.
Our individual pack – our friends
Gradually we create our individual pack among friends. In kindergarten, at school and at work. We have a basic need to be included; to feel we are part of a community, to be part of a pack.
We all remember how important it was to be accepted in a pack, and to be allowed to be like others. Both in appearance and behavior. Each pack studied the others, to see if they fit in or not, or if we liked them or not.
No one wanted to be left out, and we tried everything we could to fit in and be accepted. And yet some are left out.
We are bullied or we bully others, based on what we have learned and what we’ve heard others say. Being excluded is, as we know, both lonely and painful.
The pack that we look up to becomes a limitation for our potential.
What happens? – The mechanisms that steer
There is always someone who leads a pack, which is a big misunderstanding. We follow, even if we are led off a cliff. We lose ourselves and are led away from our own values and who we really are.
I’m reminding you of our natural learning, where we observe what others do, say and their attitudes. We compare ourselves to others.
Because we have learned different things and are different, we can never do exactly as others do. We must find our own way of doing things, and accept that we are different, and that this is a good thing. Instead, this becomes one of the greatest challenges and limitations we bring forward with us.
We compare ourselves to the others, and because the need to be part of the pack is a basic need, we will never feel that we are good enough, clever enough or have the capacity that others have. We learn and practice negative self-talk – completely without understanding.
These processes happen automatically – we run on autopilot. Our inner critic becomes a truth for us, and a vicious circle is created that results in different behaviors.
I have experienced both stage fright, social anxiety and much more because I thought I had to be like others. After all, no one should stand out, because then we risk being criticized. Envy and suspicion of others has also been a commonly learned in our society.
Don’t stand out from the pack and think you’re different!
Unfortunately, there are many who consciously and subconsciously struggle with this way of thinking.
So what are we supposed to do as pack animals?
– We are to support, help and uplift each other in the community.
I usually say that together we are dynamite, and can break open limitations that stop us from a better life and a more peaceful world.
I saw an enormous potential that we all can access within ourselves, when we just manage to break out of our own limitations.
We are all unique individuals in a pack, and together we can create better solutions when everyone uses their full potential.
