Life consists of all phases – life, death and everything in between

Blog: Life consists of all phases in life

I’ve always wanted to do a lot, and sometimes too much, but does that matter? No, wanting to do a lot is just a part of being human. Coping with thoughts and emotions that arise is most important. You know, the thoughts that wait in the background until they get a chance to strike, and the emotions that suddenly arise and cause you to lose your feeling of well-being and mastering.

Being able to understand how we function regarding our thoughts and feelings has helped me to take charge of these sneaky thoughts and the feelings that go with them, and vice versa. Along with our feelings come thoughts, just as our thoughts give us feelings. Our mood can go up and down like a roller coaster, and that’s when it is very nice to have some control and useful techniques.

When my mother and my brother both became seriously ill, it came like lightning had struck. In addition to teaching courses, giving lectures, book writing, my blog and other responsibilities for the founder of a business, I was first and foremost a daughter and a sister. The first half year went well enough, and I even wrote some blog articles. Then came January and my brother passed away, and my energy and motivation for writing a blog disappeared as well. I had to use all that life has taught me as well as the techniques that I share with others at courses. All of the thoughts that had been waiting to strike came simultaneously, and thoughts are accompanied by emotions that can drain our joy in life and feelings of mastering.

What is the first thought that appears when we encounter this side of life?  “Now I have to keep up appearances, otherwise I am not successful.” Or the feeling of inadequacy, that we cannot be there for others, and thoughts about what others will think … It’s interesting to see that we are still preoccupied with a facade, instead of each individual and the person we really are behind our facade. Our real self always wins, while cracks appear on the facade and it breaks down.

Thoughts that we should not be enjoying life during a time like that may also arise. These hold us down, but are a negative side-effect of trying to keep our facade intact. We feel that everything should be “perfect”. The feeling of not mastering enough comes sneaking up. We judge ourselves harshly because we feel like a failure if we can’t manage to do all that we’ve said we would do. Thoughts and feelings like those keep us from setting great goals in life. We don’t allow ourselves to pause and prioritize, but feel we must charge forward all the time.

My thoughts and feelings are mine, and I’m the only one who can sort them out. It is then important to consider which tasks need to be done, to see if some can be delegated to others or put on a back burner. That is why, among other things, my blog was put on hold. At the same time, I must accept and feel peaceful about that decision, so that it does not create pressure and stress. I used the Nightfilm technique to process feelings of grief, and to sort out thoughts that I did not want, as well as to maintain an overview for the following day. I also had to use The Creative Corner to transform old unwanted memories that turned up from my subconscious.

One day at a time, consciously choosing the thoughts that give energy and being aware about the ones that are harmful. Easy? No, not always, but this is why I use the techniques to help me. I made sure I watched out for my inner critic, who sometimes was breathing down my neck.

This gave me enough energy to care for my loved ones who needed me in their lives, while I simultaneously taught courses and wrote a textbook that was to be published.

The inner strength that allows us to be ourselves, is worth it’s weight in gold. I then do not need to bother about whether or not others may think it strange that I’m not writing a blog, or give priority to whatever is important for them. Our job is to make sure that we feel good, and take control of the thoughts that lead us astray. It is in fact possible to have a good life even through stormy times, and when we feel well then we are better able to help others too.

That’s why I want to continue writing blog articles to inspire and motivate. My dream is that all humans realize their own worth and strength by “just” being themselves.

I am grateful to have such tools, and that my brain functions efficiently as it is trained to do, so that I can cope with my feelings while simultaneously structuring my head so that it functions in a creative way that is useful for me and those around me.

It is very naive and unrealistic to believe that life consists only of an outer facade of good fortune and glamour. Life consists of all phases – life, death and everything in between. We just need to learn to cope with it.

Deborah Borgen